There is a girl in South Africa who has fame inside her vagina.
No, I’m not talking about a lady who spritzes Lady Gaga’s fragrance on her bits, but a female who literally bestows fame upon anyone who manages to bed her.
The theory goes like this: Cherry (we’ll call her that because she sounds like an 80’s hair metal groupie) lives in Johannesburg and is a good-looking and quite cool girl. She likes bands, and guys in bands. The guys in bands like her too.
Her morals are unbeknownst to this author, but it appears that should you bed Cherry, your band has a much better than average chance of ‘making it’
There have been at least three documented cases of guys in bands going out with Cherry, only for their success to skyrocket shortly after. The latest of these bands being Shortstraw.
Before all you budding folk stars pack up your busking box and high-tail it to Greenside, there’s a catch. You can’t simply have a one night stand with Cherry to achieve fame.
The current canon is thus: Cherry has a special gland deep inside her love canal. This gland, when stimulated, produces the Essence of Fame. The normal expression is not enough to make any difference, but luckily, it collects in the body and concentrates. This means that the longer you have sex with Cherry, the more Essence of Fame you collect in your body. All that is left after that is to start a band and wait to be successful.
Here’s a vagina bike:
I know the identity of this secret woman. If you’re a struggling artist, I will reveal her identity for one of the following methods of payment:
Money, Beer, Pot, Publishing rights to your work, Guest Vocal Slot, Songwriting Credit or just a shout-out in the liner notes.
Peace, Love and Death Metal
Revolutionary Throwback 